


There...But Not Back Again

by astudyinfic



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:52:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3133469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You need to move on."<br/>But how do you move on when your heart is in a mountain far away?</p>
            </blockquote>





	There...But Not Back Again

"You need to move on."

The words lingered in his mind and yet the hobbit could not push past them. How could he move on from the loss of some of the best friends any hobbit could ever have asked for? How do you move on after saying goodbye to the man who had become your whole world? When Thorin Oakenshield stepped foot into Bag End, even Bilbo - as harassed and unhappy as he was in that moment - had to admit that the dwarf was nothing short of majestic. The hobbit felt intimidated in the king's presence, and it was due in no small part to that that Bilbo had accepted the invitation to join the company. Gandalf had faith in him. Some of the dwarves had faith in him. But the dwarven king, the rightful King under the Mountain, seemed to distrust the hobbit and Bilbo found himself wanting nothing more than to prove himself to Thorin. So Bilbo had run after them, leaving those beloved handkerchiefs behind in his haste, wishing for nothing more than to be the burglar that the company needed.

As they traveled, the hobbit and the king became close. They spent many hours riding together, talking about what the Shire meant to Bilbo and what the Lonely Mountain meant to Thorin. It took awhile but when Bilbo began to consider how he would feel if he only had a few memories of the Shire, almost his whole life being spent in exile. The thought broke Bilbo's heart and led to him feeling even closer to Thorin whose desire was for nothing but to bring his people back to their home.

By the time they reached the Lonely Mountain, Bilbo knew that what he felt for Thorin went far beyond that of admiration or of friendship. He loved the dwarf in a way he had never loved another. For a short period, he kept his feeling to himself but when he returned from his first expedition into Smaug's lair, golden baubles in his hand, Thorin had pulled Bilbo close and pressed their lips together while the rest of the company was struck dumb. No one knew what to say at first and it had been young Kili who broke the silence, cheering the new development as he had known of his Uncle's feelings for their burglar longer than most. 

For awhile, there was happiness in the company, starting with the burglar and the king, branching out to every other dwarf who saw in the couple what they desired in life or what they had left behind at home. The dwarves had done their best to give the two privacy but camping on a mountain face left very little room for the two to be alone. 

But once the dragon was defeated and the mountain reclaimed, it was as if Bilbo no longer existed. Thorin had other things on his mind and the hobbit who nearly gave his life for him several times was not among them. Soon, the love of gold had displace everything in Thorin's heart, including his love of his people and of Bilbo. Being cast away, separated from friends and lover, Bilbo knew he would never recover. And when Thorin had retired into the mountain following the battle without a word to the hobbit, Bilbo left with a heavy heart, making the sad journey home with only Gandalf by his side. This was not how he had pictured his triumphant return home and watching the hobbits auctioning off his things only secured the feeling of failure. 

His friends, family and neighbours noticed the change but they were not able to help. Some like the Stackville-Bagginses were downright cruel while others like the Gaffer tried to offer the hobbit an ear and a shoulder but found Bilbo unwilling to say much about what weighed in his heart. He just could not explain to the others the feeling of leaving your heart behind, most hobbits having never seen the world beyond the Shire, let alone falling in love with one from a different land.

When the gifts started to arrive, Bilbo wondered what the company was doing. First came traveling clothes from Ori, nearly all of them appeared to have been hand stitched by the sweet dwarf with a heart of gold. Next came weapons from Dwalin, scrolls from Balin and preserved food from Bombur. One by one, each member for the company sent Bilbo something but not one of the notes made mention of the king. Bilbo assumed they all knew better than to mention something which would cause the hobbit pain. Eventually, gifts had arrive from all but three members of the company.  While the gifts had temporarily lifted his spirits, no one from the line of Durin sent him anything and Bilbo once more fell into a deep depression. The young Durins must have forgotten about him as easily as their uncle, a thought which pained Bilbo immensely.

Looking over the items for what had to be the hundredth time, Bilbo sighed when the doorbell rang. Surely yet another hobbit come to look at the treasures from a far off land that most only knew from Bilbo's own stories. His surprise was evident when he opened the door to find himself pulled immediately into a hug by both Kili and Fili. There was much laughter and joy as the two dwarves hugged their friend, passing him back and forth, clapping him on the back and making many exclamations of how he had filled out nicely in his life of leisure since returning home. Only just remembering his manners, Bilbo invited them in, offering tea and anything from his pantry that they might want. Where five years ago feeding the company had been a heartache, now it made him happy to know that he was giving his friends all that he could offer. "Please, sit. Relax. You have had a long journey," he smiled, unable to keep his lips from turning up with happiness at seeing his friends once more. "Tell me what brings you all the way from Erebor to visit. I thought the gifts from the company were more than enough. And Kili, where is Tauriel? I thought for sure you would never leave home again with such a beautiful elf as your bride." To be honest, Bilbo wasn't even sure what the gifts were for but he would not be rude enough to turn one down. That was not the hobbit way. 

"Dear friend, we come bearing a gift for you as well," Fili explained, pulling a scroll from his bag while Kili bounced excitedly in his chair, babbling over his brother about Tauriel going to visit her kind while he traveled to see Bilbo. They planned to meet up back at Mirkwood when Kili and Fili passed through once more on their way home. It seemed that the sedentary life agreed with the youngest Durin as well whose beard had begun to grow in and was just as full of life as he had been the moment they met. Bilbo knew he should ask more questions but his focus turned to the paper Fili thrust into his hand. He unwound the scroll slowly, careful not to put any crease or wrinkle in the paper so fine it could only have come from the ruling family. With two of the three in the line of Durin sitting here in front of him, Bilbo's heart raced at the possibility that this was from the third. Instead, he found himself with an invitation from Gandalf and an admonition to travel to Erebor once more. He was needed at once and no one but the Burglar of the Lonely Mountain would do. Bilbo found he had no choice, the decision to return to the road once more in the company of dwarves had been made up the moment he laid eyes on his two good friends. Bilbo was a hobbit and therefore enjoyed the comforts of home - good food, warm fire, a nice pipe - but he found that many of these things were not what he remembered when he finally returned from his journey. He craved the excitement and the passion he had felt during his expedition beyond the borders of the Shire.

"We were told that you have been sent everything you need," Kili explained with a smile and now that Bilbo thought about it, is was true that all of the gifts added up to the perfect traveling pack. The dwarves had sent everything, knowing that this invitation was coming. Bilbo smiled, silently thanking his friends for knowing him well enough to know that he would come the moment the invitation was issued. "We leave in the morning," he said with a finality that had both Kili and Fili grinning. It was early spring and a better time to travel then when they had left for their previous journey all those years ago. And while there was trouble brewing in the south, the lands they would pass through were once more flourishing following the death of Smaug and the orcs being driven back to their former home, far from the peace-loving people of Mirkwood, Dale, the Shire and Erebor. Kili and Fili nodded, explaining this to their hobbit friend and saying that there shall be significantly less adventure than last time but promised that it would be well worth it in the end, even if he didn't have quite as interesting of a story to tell once he arrived. The next morning the three were ready to go and set out as the sun rose, Bilbo too happy to be back on the road to wait much longer. The sooner he got to Erebor, the happier he would be and while Kili and Fili both knew this, they kept it to themselves, simply smiling at each other when they thought the hobbit wasn't looking.

Nervous energy filled Bilbo as they passed Dale and began to make their way up to the Lonely Mountain. The journey had passed pleasantly enough and while all were happy to make it to Mirkwood and Lord Thranduil's land, none were as happy as Kili who rejoiced in being reunited with his wife. Their marriage had solidified the bond between Mirkwood and Erebor and while the relationship between Thorin and Thranduil was not necessarily friendly, it was polite which was all anyone could ask. Bilbo had enjoyed his time with the elves this time, welcomed as a friend instead of intruder and burglar and he remarked to his traveling companions at how much more pleasant it was to leave as friends through the gate than to escape as fugitives in oaken barrels. The walk to the mountain from Dale was the longest part of the whole trip though it only took a day to get there. All of the anticipation and anxiety that Bilbo had been feeling seemed quadrupled as the gates to Erebor grew larger in front of them. He still had no idea what Gandalf needed from him here, neither dwarf feeling eager to break his silence on the matter, but if Bilbo was honest with himself, that was not what caused him concern. He knew now that Gandalf would not ask anything of him that he was not capable of but standing in front of Thorin for the first time in several years?  He didn't know if he would be able to do that. 

The gates loomed overhead and while Kili and Fili both bounded in, Tauriel remained by Bilbo's side as he paused in front, trying to steel himself for whatever was coming next. "He is as anxious to see you as you are him," she offered quietly, pressing a kiss to Bilbo's hair before entering the kingdom herself. She knew this was something Bilbo needed to do on his own and so she went off to find her husband and his kin. 

It took many moments before Bilbo entered the mountain, walking with slow, sure steps. He nodded to a few of the dwarves who greeted him, none being his friends or companions which was for the best. As much as he wanted to see everyone, seeing Thorin was his first priority. He marveled silently at how everything had changed since he left. Dwarves now crowded the halls, the scent of the furnace hung in the air and everywhere Bilbo looked there was warmth and happiness. Seeing how being back in their home agreed with Thorin's people, Bilbo felt no regret over the part he played. Some had lost their lives in the process of regaining the kingdom but in the end, the greater good had won out. He was still smiling with that thought as he approached the throne room, silently and in the shadows so he might observe Thorin before speaking with him. The dwarf king looked healthy, he noticed, but there were dark circles under his eyes and Bilbo worried that perhaps the weight of the crown was too much for Thorin. He had been royal all his life but this was the first time he actually had a chance to rule. Maybe this was more than he could have expected. 

Concern for his former lover brought Bilbo forward and into the light, walking slowly once more to give Thorin time to see him before they had to speak. The moment Thorin's eyes fell on him, an audible gasp echoed through the large chamber and every dwarf there turned to look at their king. He regained his composure long enough to send them all out of the room, leaving Bilbo and Thorin alone for the first time in many years. 

Thorin descended from his throne, coming to stand in front of the hobbit who did his best not to cry out of relief in front of the man who had been, and continued to be, his world. "How is this possible? I was told you had a life back in the Shire. I was told you were happy, with your little garden and the tree you planted." His words were mere whispers and Thorin reached out to tentatively brush his hand through Bilbo's hair. The hobbit sighed and trembled before throwing himself into Thorin's arms.

"You have been misinformed." His voice was shaky and Thorin could feel the tension in the small body he now held close to his own. "I was in the Shire, with my little garden and my tree. But I was not happy. I have not been truly happy since I set foot out of Erebor. The last time I felt peace was when my eyes beheld you last."  Both hobbit and dwarf knew that was not entirely the case, Bilbo’s last sight of Thorin being one when the dwarf was in the cusp of dragon fever, but the sentiment behind it was the same.  They were words meant for Thorin and Thorin alone and if someone had been in the room with them, they would not have heard them as they were whispered directly into the dwarf king's ear. 

Thorin responded by turning his head and capturing his hobbit's lips in a kiss that spoke of passion, of love and regret, sacrifice and happiness. Having Bilbo here was the only thing that would make Erebor truly feel like home and while he hadn't realized that before, now that the hobbit had arrived, he knew in his bones that it was true.

No words passed between them as they stood there, simply holding each other close.  All that needed to be said could wait while the two lovers simply reconnected silently.  Thorin buried his nose in Bilbo's hair, enjoying the scent of sunshine, earth and hobbit on the shorter man while BIlbo pressed his ear to Thorin's chest, hearing the strong heartbeat racing at the knowledge that Bilbo was there and in his arms.  It took several minutes but eventually they pulled back to look on each other one more time.  "Why are you here?" Thorin asked.  It was unusual for a hobbit - even one as strange as Bilbo Baggins - to leave the Shire without a good reason for it.  

"Gandalf said I was needed.  But when I got here, the first person I wanted to see was you.  I supposed I should find the wizard soon.  He said it was urgent."  The last thing Bilbo wanted to do was move but he had come at the request of Gandalf and he couldn't in good conscious leave the wizard waiting too long.  It was impolite and Bilbo did pride himself on his immaculate manners.

Confusion was written all over Thorin's face, "Gandalf?  I have not seen the wizard for two years, not since he left with you to return to the Shire.  Are you sure this is where he wanted you?"  Bilbo was now equally confused and brought out the note from the grey wizard, showing it to Thorin and watching carefully as the dwarf read every word.  "How did this letter get to you?"

"Kili and Fili delivered it.  I thought you knew.  I didn't think anything happened with those two that you did not know about."

Thorin's face darkened.  "They told me they were going to Mirkwood.  Something is going on here."  He turned to a darkened space toward the back of the chamber.  "Nephews!  Show yourselves.  Explain this immediately."  

The two younger dwarves slinked forward, shoulders slumped and eyes downcast,the absolute picture of regret and sorrow.  Bilbo stood to Thorin's side, looking more concerned than angry, leaving that emotion to the dwarven king who looked like he was willing to take off both their heads if he did not receive an answer he liked.  

"Kili.  Fili.  You are the heirs to this throne.  What example does it set to the kingdom that you lie to me, your uncle and your king?  What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Fili spoke first, holding his head up and trying to maintain as much dignity as he could.  "We had every intention of going to Mirkwood as we told you we were, however, once there, we found Gandalf in counsel with Lord Thranduil.  We waited, knowing we would need to present ourselves to the king in order to maintain the goodwill between our kingdoms but Gandalf heard us coming and called us forward as you just did.  We spoke briefly with Thranduil before Gandalf requested a private meeting.  We spoke at length of Erebor and how it was thriving under your rule but when the conversation turned to you personally, Gandalf grew concerned.  He had heard similar things from the Shire about our dear Bilbo here and together, we contrived of a plan to bring the both of you together.  His feeling was that if we reunited you, it would solve the problems with both of you."

Thorin's face grew stormier, anger at the knowledge he had been discussed by the wizard and his nephews warring with the thankfulness that their plan had reunited him with Bilbo.  "So you had a private meeting with an advisor to the throne and thought there was no need to inform me of this?  And what exactly were you saying about me that caused Gandalf such concern."  Bilbo was also worried but said nothing, knowing what had been said about him around the Shire and simply wondering how the word of his depression had reached all the way to Mirkwood and Gandalf’s ears.  

"We talked of your loneliness, of the fact that you had no interest in the songs and feasts and activities that had once brought you such joy.  The fact that you looked older than your years as if that which kept you young had been taken from you.  How you sit on your throne all day, listening to your advisors but not engaging with them and how you sigh heavily when you think no one is looking.  We discussed how you, dear Uncle, missed our burglar more than you could admit and the only thing that kept you from going to get him was your own pride and fear for heartbreak."

While Fili had spoken, Bilbo turned to look at Thorin, seeing that which the two had told Gandalf for himself.  Thorin did look older then when Bilbo had left, older than he should.  But the sadness seemed to be gone, or at least lessened.  Bilbo wondered if the plan of the wizard and the young dwarves had done its job, because Bilbo himself felt happier than he had since leaving the Lonely Mountain three years prior.  "Be kind to them.  The words they say about you apply to me as well," Bilbo said softly, placing his arm on Thorin's bicep, smiling fondly at the king.  "It is nice to know that I was missed as much as I missed you."

The nephews would have been completely forgotten in that moment if Kili hadn't spoken up, "But Uncle!"  Both Thorin and Bilbo tore their eyes away from each other to look at Kili just in time to see Tauriel appear behind them, grabbing each by their hair and dragging them away.

"My apologies, Thorin," she smiled with a slight bow.  "Let me know when you are ready to punish them and I will gladly send them back."  Kili looked at his wife, horrified, but she simply smiled and tugged on his hair once more.  "Come on.  Leave these two alone."  The dwarves could be heard arguing with the elf all the way out of the chamber, causing Bilbo to chuckle which brought a smile to Thorin's face as well.

Turning back to Thorin, Bilbo smiled, "Even Gandalf and your own kin have plotted to bring us here.  They must have sent word to the company as well because each member sent me something for the journey.  Our friends all realized something at we were too proud to admit.  Maybe that is a sign?"

"That we are too stubborn for our own good," Thorin growled, pulling Bilbo into his arms once more.  "Will you return to the Shire?  Is there anything there that holds you?"

Bilbo thought longingly about Bag End, about his dear nephew who was still so very young.  He thought of the comfort of his pipe and fire, of the oak tree growing in his garden.  Each one of those had a hold on him and it would indeed be difficult to leave them behind.  However, nothing held him as tight as Thorin did now and the mere thought of leaving pained the hobbit terribly.  "There are things I will miss there but I believe the Shire will continue on without my interference.  I have left everything I have to my own nephew, Frodo.  I did not expect I would return."  When he had written his will and given it to Gaffer who was watching the boy, he had said it was simply on the occasion that something happened to him in his journey.  Now Bilbo realized that his intention all along would be to stay in Erebor if Thorin would have him.  "But perhaps we can visit sometime.  I will miss Frodo and I would like him to see that I am happy.  Besides, showing up with the King Under the Mountain will only help my reputation as a bit mad."

Thorin's deep laugh rumbled through the chamber once more before it was silenced with a kiss from his beloved.

~ * ~ * ~

Ten years later, Bilbo had truly grown into his role as consort.  Many of the dwarves turned to him for advice as much as they did Thorin.  He brought hobbit cuisine to the Lonely Mountain and to Dale where he was as adored as he was in his home.  Often he could be found wandering the plains around the mountain, searching for herbs and plants to accommodate into the foods he prepared, still after all these years trying to convince Ori that green food wasn't as bad as he thought.  On those travels he was accompanied by Kili and Tauriel's little girl, the next generation of Durin and a guarantee that the line would continue into the next era.  Belia had her father's hair and her mother's eyes, the dexterity of an elf and the stubbornness of a dwarf.  In other words, she was absolutely perfect and Thorin and Bilbo adored her almost as much as her parents and Uncle Fili did.  

As for Thorin and Bilbo, they never had children of their own but they were alright with that.  The line would continue with Fili, then Kili and then Belia.  Never had Bilbo thought he could have been this happy.  His entire life he had been referred to as a 'confirmed bachelor'; there was no hobbit who could hold his attention. Now he knew that there never would be.  He was not destined for the quiet life in the Shire but to live far from his people, in a land he once thought of as mere myth.

They returned to the Shire on occasion, bringing dwarven trinkets for the children.  Bilbo watched as Frodo grew into a strapping young hobbit, flourishing under the Gaffer's tutelage.  And they were there the day that Frodo and Sam said their vows, an event that brought tears to Bilbo's eyes when he saw how happy Frodo was, the same look he still had every time he looked at Thorin.  The two had slipped away silently after the wedding, leaving a pile of gold at Bag End for the newlyweds and returned to their own home, to live happily ever after.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A special thanks to tumblr users indiradraven and a-nonny-mouse for their beautiful beta-ing.


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